For a good majority of my life, I was bound and determined to become a pharmacist. I thought it was the perfect job for me. I worked at a pharmacy in high school and loved it, and I thought the subject matter was fascinating. I also knew that I would go crazy if my job didn't include helping people. However, I knew I couldn't handle being a nurse or a doctor. Let me tell you, if someone walks into a room I'm in with their bone sticking out, ain't no way I'm handling that! I just wanted to give people their drugs and try and make their lives easier.
I was the perfect candidate for my pharmacy school. (Well, granted not perfect, but everyone thought I was!) Good grades, involved, passion, personable, and driven. When the time came for me to submit my application for the professional program at my school, I blew through the essay and interview process no problem, and was accepted into the next year's pharmacy program.
However, I was never sure if that's where God wanted me. Before I got into the program, I made a bargain with God. (Smart move, right? Not exactly how God works.) I told Him that if He didn't want me to be a pharmacist, then He should not let me get into the program and I would pursue a different career path. So when I got in, I took it as a sign that I was meant to be there and pushed on in my studies.
School very quickly became very difficult for me. The course load was insane. I always loved science and chemistry, but I was never terribly quick at learning it. Therefore, with five insanely hard classes that required constant studying that I was no where near used to. I quickly became a walking zombie, having never gotten enough sleep, and barely taking care of myself. I became angry at God, not understanding where His plan was in my mess of a life.
It became clear to me that I was not going to do well in pharmacy school. In fact, I wasn't even sure I'd pass the first semester. When finals rolled around, I was a wreck. My grades were in the toilet, and my hair had never been so unkempt in my life before.
Sure enough, a week later, grades were posted, and I was no longer allowed to continue in the program since I had to keep up certain grades but couldn't during that first semester. I remember I was having dinner with a dear friend of mine when I got the news, and I just busted out laughing. For some reason, I was in denial about how much I no longer wanted to be a pharmacist but was scared of telling people, letting people down, and having others assume I was a failure.
But then, after a few weeks, the anger at God returned when I remembered my deal with Him. Why would he let me get in, do an entire semester of schooling, take the spot of someone else who perhaps deserved it more than I, and let me think I was a failure all semester?
How wrong was I! I came to realize that God wanted me in pharmacy school for that semester, but He didn't want me to be a pharmacist. So many good things have come from doing that one semester, and I realize that I wouldn't be where I am now without the path I took to get here.
I am now going to school to teach high school biology, and I have never been happier! I know God laid this out perfectly for me, and I'm so thankful to Him because of it. I know that He worked through those times when I felt like a failure to not only help myself in later times, but friends struggling with the same issues, as well. God always has so much to teach me, and it blows my mind when His plan is revealed!
Being human, I just want to see the small picture, the here and now, and have the best tunnel vision the world has ever known. However, I need to put my faith in Christ, and let Him lead the way. Let's be honest, at least He knows a way! On my own, I'm like a lost little girl wandering through the forest. And the way of God will always be more perfect and better than I have ever even dreamt of. I love that about Him :)
Many blessings,
ChristianKid
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