For a good majority of my life, I was bound and determined to become a pharmacist. I thought it was the perfect job for me. I worked at a pharmacy in high school and loved it, and I thought the subject matter was fascinating. I also knew that I would go crazy if my job didn't include helping people. However, I knew I couldn't handle being a nurse or a doctor. Let me tell you, if someone walks into a room I'm in with their bone sticking out, ain't no way I'm handling that! I just wanted to give people their drugs and try and make their lives easier.
I was the perfect candidate for my pharmacy school. (Well, granted not perfect, but everyone thought I was!) Good grades, involved, passion, personable, and driven. When the time came for me to submit my application for the professional program at my school, I blew through the essay and interview process no problem, and was accepted into the next year's pharmacy program.
However, I was never sure if that's where God wanted me. Before I got into the program, I made a bargain with God. (Smart move, right? Not exactly how God works.) I told Him that if He didn't want me to be a pharmacist, then He should not let me get into the program and I would pursue a different career path. So when I got in, I took it as a sign that I was meant to be there and pushed on in my studies.
School very quickly became very difficult for me. The course load was insane. I always loved science and chemistry, but I was never terribly quick at learning it. Therefore, with five insanely hard classes that required constant studying that I was no where near used to. I quickly became a walking zombie, having never gotten enough sleep, and barely taking care of myself. I became angry at God, not understanding where His plan was in my mess of a life.
It became clear to me that I was not going to do well in pharmacy school. In fact, I wasn't even sure I'd pass the first semester. When finals rolled around, I was a wreck. My grades were in the toilet, and my hair had never been so unkempt in my life before.
Sure enough, a week later, grades were posted, and I was no longer allowed to continue in the program since I had to keep up certain grades but couldn't during that first semester. I remember I was having dinner with a dear friend of mine when I got the news, and I just busted out laughing. For some reason, I was in denial about how much I no longer wanted to be a pharmacist but was scared of telling people, letting people down, and having others assume I was a failure.
But then, after a few weeks, the anger at God returned when I remembered my deal with Him. Why would he let me get in, do an entire semester of schooling, take the spot of someone else who perhaps deserved it more than I, and let me think I was a failure all semester?
How wrong was I! I came to realize that God wanted me in pharmacy school for that semester, but He didn't want me to be a pharmacist. So many good things have come from doing that one semester, and I realize that I wouldn't be where I am now without the path I took to get here.
I am now going to school to teach high school biology, and I have never been happier! I know God laid this out perfectly for me, and I'm so thankful to Him because of it. I know that He worked through those times when I felt like a failure to not only help myself in later times, but friends struggling with the same issues, as well. God always has so much to teach me, and it blows my mind when His plan is revealed!
Being human, I just want to see the small picture, the here and now, and have the best tunnel vision the world has ever known. However, I need to put my faith in Christ, and let Him lead the way. Let's be honest, at least He knows a way! On my own, I'm like a lost little girl wandering through the forest. And the way of God will always be more perfect and better than I have ever even dreamt of. I love that about Him :)
Many blessings,
ChristianKid
Monday, January 6, 2014
The Shack
I just finished reading a book today entitled, The Shack. I won't give anything about this book away, but I want to really encourage you all to read it! No matter where you are on your faith journey, I promise you, this book will rock you to your core. I cried numerous times reading it, and wrestled through a lot of my own issues with my faith while reading it. God is just so glorious, and His perfect purposes are revealed in a whole new light that makes a lot more sense to my tiny brain now.
The book really focuses a lot on the relational aspect of your walk with God, something I definitely suck at. We get so caught up in the fact that we feel we need to do certain things or act certain ways to be considered holy, Christian people. WRONG. Christ did not come to die on the cross so that we could all judge each other by whether or not we are late to church (if we go at all - especially since it was -20 degrees all day today!), how we act with our friends, how much we volunteer, or how well we pray in public, just to name a few. Christ died so that we become a new creation, reunited with our heavenly Father once more, tearing the veil for good. Christ died so that we may experience unconditional, agape love, something I don't think our human minds will ever be able to comprehend.
Lots of times I am scared to talk to God. Sometimes I feel guilty that I haven't talked to Him in awhile, and I don't want to be scolded. Sometimes I did something I feel ashamed of, and I don't want to be punished. But most times I am scared to pray because I fear what comes if my faith gets too big. Like if I trust God too much, He will give me a trial where I lose someone I love, or something else really terrible. Speaking from my overly logical, analytical brain, it's a ridiculous statement, but my heart is terrified of it. However, God does not give us trials. He simply works through them. Whether or not we go through trials has nothing to do with where our faith is. Many people who have no faith at all go through unimaginable horrors, so the fact that I have faith makes those odds no different from theirs. In Christ, though, I am given the chance to see His plan work through those hard times, a chance to have the best person EVER to rely on to help me through, and a chance to have someone who will never leave me nor forsake me through something like that, no matter how mental I become after said trial. Looking at it from that perspective, I'd say that's pretty darn cool :)
Don't let your earthly fears keep you from having a better relationship with Christ! The devil is quite cunning in that regard.
Blessings,
ChristianKid
The book really focuses a lot on the relational aspect of your walk with God, something I definitely suck at. We get so caught up in the fact that we feel we need to do certain things or act certain ways to be considered holy, Christian people. WRONG. Christ did not come to die on the cross so that we could all judge each other by whether or not we are late to church (if we go at all - especially since it was -20 degrees all day today!), how we act with our friends, how much we volunteer, or how well we pray in public, just to name a few. Christ died so that we become a new creation, reunited with our heavenly Father once more, tearing the veil for good. Christ died so that we may experience unconditional, agape love, something I don't think our human minds will ever be able to comprehend.
Lots of times I am scared to talk to God. Sometimes I feel guilty that I haven't talked to Him in awhile, and I don't want to be scolded. Sometimes I did something I feel ashamed of, and I don't want to be punished. But most times I am scared to pray because I fear what comes if my faith gets too big. Like if I trust God too much, He will give me a trial where I lose someone I love, or something else really terrible. Speaking from my overly logical, analytical brain, it's a ridiculous statement, but my heart is terrified of it. However, God does not give us trials. He simply works through them. Whether or not we go through trials has nothing to do with where our faith is. Many people who have no faith at all go through unimaginable horrors, so the fact that I have faith makes those odds no different from theirs. In Christ, though, I am given the chance to see His plan work through those hard times, a chance to have the best person EVER to rely on to help me through, and a chance to have someone who will never leave me nor forsake me through something like that, no matter how mental I become after said trial. Looking at it from that perspective, I'd say that's pretty darn cool :)
Don't let your earthly fears keep you from having a better relationship with Christ! The devil is quite cunning in that regard.
Blessings,
ChristianKid
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